


One more time

by reveetoile



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Christmas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22014247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reveetoile/pseuds/reveetoile
Summary: I really want to read Christmas angst story. Pairing: OT5 is fine ^^, or if you want to be specific I’d like to read Ohmiya or Sakumiya. Character: Arashi members Prompt: Major character death. It’s their first Christmas without Nino. So his lover (or friends) are trying to remember what he likes about Christmas and try to make it happen again once. For Nino’s sake. Prompt by nongdao14
Relationships: Ninomiya Kazunari/Ohno Satoshi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	One more time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nongdao14](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nongdao14/gifts).



They hadn’t planned this. This year none of them had planned their Christmas party. It was hard to do when the person that cared so much about it wasn’t there anymore. It just didn’t feel right. 

Still, there had been the letters in their mailbox. They were simple cards. There were only their names on the front, and the back was the name of the person they would play secret Santa for. It was their annual tradition to do secret Santa since it was more fun this way, then to try and come up with four different presents for them all. 

Jun frowned down at the name written in the scrawny scribble that he knew belonged to NIno when he got the letter in the mail. He couldn’t understand how this happened. Nino… Nino wasn’t able to send them anymore after all. He had to take a deep breath as he remembered one of his closest friends and how hollow the space in his chest that was reserved for him still felt. 

Before he could gather his thoughts, his phone had already pinged, announcing a few messages that he had received. He took the phone in one hand without really seeing it. He opened his messenger app, feeling tears prickle behind his eyelids as the old group chat - the one that had been stayed silent for over half a year now - was marked with unread messages. 

_You got the letters?_

_How did he even manage that?_

_Satoshi-kun do you have any idea?_

_Leader are you okay?_

His eyes wandered to the last message, Sho and Aiba were talking over each other, not really to each other and it seemed as if Ohno was still absent from their chat until after ten minutes a message from him appeared on the screen. 

_Are we doing this?_

_Yes, _Jun answered, feeling shaky. But he couldn’t bear the thought of not fulfilling this wish. He stared at the written words and closed his eyes. Yes, they should do that.__

__—_ _

__Ohno’s eyes wandered to the small altar for Nino he had in his living room. He sighed as he put the phone down and stood to kneel in front of the small picture._ _

__“They agreed to the Secret Santa, Kazu,” he said with a smile as his fingers wandered over the frame. “But you probably already know, ne?” Ohno chuckled to himself as he let his eyes wander around in his home. The home he used to share with Nino and was usually filled with lights and silly figurines already. This year Ohno hadn’t been able to bring their decorations out just yet. It felt wrong to prepare for a festive time when he still tried to overcome the emptiness in his life._ _

__Of course, of course, Nino had to be a brat and decide on his own that he wouldn’t let them mourn during this time of the year. Ohno didn’t know how Nino had prepared for all this, but he had long ago learnt not to question what Nino could do. If Nino put his mind to something, he would make it real somehow._ _

__Ohno felt a shudder run through his frame, tears running down his cheeks as he remembered the first letter that had arrived at his home just two weeks after the other was gone. There had been a lot more over the last half-year. Birthday presents for the rest because Ohno always forgot to get them, silly poems, chocolates for Valentine’s Day, flowers for his mother’s birthday, a new set of brushes for his birthday. Those were still mocking him silently as Ohno hadn’t been able to draw a single line since Nino’s death._ _

__Of course, he shouldn’t have been surprised this morning when he got the letter with a name on it with the mail. He was surprised, though, that Nino had sent the notes for the others as well and not made him do it. But then again, Ohno wasn’t sure if he would have given them to their friends._ _

__If he was sincere, he had planned just to forget that Christmas existed this year, the next and all the others that were to come. Ohno really shouldn’t be surprised that Nino probably anticipated that and decided to take matters in his hands._ _

__“God, I miss you,” Ohno whispered as he took a shuddering breath, hiding his face behind a hand. He wasn’t sure he would be able to face the others. But this was Nino’s wish. And Ohno had sworn to make all of Nino’s wishes come true forever._ _

__—_ _

___My beloved Toshi,  
I know it will be hard for you, but I have something to ask of you. I want you to enjoy this time of the year for me even if it’s without me. By now the letters should have arrived. I want you to invite the others over for the annual Christmas party. I prepared the invites already. They are in the envelope; I don’t know if you’ve seen them yet. Please send them out if the others decide to follow my wish. Then I need you to go out and look for a tree. I want a small one this year. It should fit on the windowsill, don’t you think?_ _ _

___I love you,  
Kazu_ _ _

__—_ _

__Aiba watched Ohno as he wandered through the backyard where they could choose a tree for his apartment. He had readily agreed to accompany the other man and drive him since Ohno still hadn’t gotten a license yet. There had never been a need to._ _

__“Are you really okay with this, leader?”_ _

__“What are you talking about?”_ _

__“Us coming over for the party. We could do it at my place or Jun’s.”_ _

__Ohno hummed as he looked at the trees until he looked for a clerk to ask him if there were any smaller ones, maybe even in a pot. He would like that. A tree that could grow with him._ _

__“No, we always did it at our home. It’s better this way,” Ohno said as he looked up with a smile. “I want Kazu to be with us, and he would be when we do it there.”_ _

__Aiba opened his mouth to argue, but before he could say anything, Ohno clapped his hands as the clerk showed him a tree in a pot. It was cute, it was small, and it would fit perfectly on their windowsill. He paid for the tree, hugging it to his chest._ _

__“Aiba-kun, I’m sure I want to do this. Don’t worry about me, I’m good.”_ _

__Aiba sighed, but then he nodded. “If you say so,” he agreed after a while. “You want this tree?”_ _

__“Yes, can you drive me home?”_ _

__“I suppose I can. Come on.” Aiba led them to the car and Ohno put the tree on the backseat before slipping into the front beside Aiba. “Leader?”_ _

__“Mhm?”_ _

__“Did you manage to draw anything?”_ _

__Ohno’s face fell a little at his words, but then he shook his head. “No,” he whispered as he rubbed his eyes. “But I’m sure inspiration will come when the time is there,” he said._ _

__“Are you okay? Money-wise?”_ _

__“Yes, we earned a lot before Kazu’s death, and I got some of his money,” he mumbled._ _

__“Good. That’s good.”_ _

__They stayed silent as Aiba drove them home and helped him to bring the tree up into his apartment. Ohno put it on the windowsill with a silly grin on his face and could already imagine it lit up with lights and a few ornaments not too much because it would overpower it then._ _

__“Thank you, Aiba-kun. I will call you if I need help with the food, is that alright?”_ _

__“I suppose,” Aiba said with a frown._ _

__“But you can bring Christmas cake, right? You always choose the best.”_ _

__Aiba smiled a bit shaky, but then he agreed without a fight. He sighed as he thought the choices over, but honestly, there was only one thing that came to his mind, and that was the traditional strawberry shortcake style Christmas cake that Nino always had favoured over all the other choices Aiba had brought over the years._ _

__—_ _

___My beloved Satoshi,  
It’s time. I need you to head up to our attic and get out the lights and our ornaments. I want you to put our colours on the tree and that funny reindeer light we got from Aiba one year on the balcony. Then go out and drink a mulled wine for me as well and get some freshly baked cookies from that one stand down the street. They are heavenly. And yes, you may use your hideous Christmas themed plate you made that one year. I never told you out loud, but I really loved it. Mostly because I love you, you silly man.   
I know Jun will moan because there are so little decorations up, but all I need is a tree lovingly decorated by your hands in our colours and a few lights on the tree and the windows.   
Have fun and take pictures.   
Love you, Kazu. _ _ _

__—_ _

__“Three please,” Ohno ordered at the stand and carefully balanced three mugs of the hot beverage to the table that Sho had secured for them. He offered one to the older boy and set the other two down in front of him._ _

__Sho lifted an eyebrow as he pointed at his mugs. “Two for you? Isn’t that a bit much?”_ _

__Ohno shrugged as he took the mug in between his cold hands. He sighed happily when the warmth crept into the tips of his fingers. “I felt like getting two. Why won’t you bring me home if I get too drunk?”_ _

__Sho smiled but shook his head. “I always will make sure you come home safely,” he promised sincerely._ _

__Ohno grinned as he hid his face behind the rim of the mug. He didn’t know if he would be able to drink the second one. But if not he had at least tried to drink one wine for the other as well. Ohno looked at the people rushing by and the children, looking at the beautiful lights all around._ _

__“Did you already get the present for the party?” Ohno asked._ _

__Sho shrugged but nodded slowly after a few minutes. “Yes. Somehow it was easy to think of something. How about you?”_ _

__Ohno shook his head, giggling slightly. “Not yet. But there is still a week until the party will take place. I hope you already chose your outfit,” Ohno said with a wriggle of his eyebrows._ _

__“Is there a dress code?”_ _

__“It’s Christmas there always is a theme,” Ohno reminded him. It had been like that for the last few years. It had started on accident, Nino and Aiba had worn Christmas jumpers since it was Christmas and all and somehow it had stuck. The year after they all had gotten one and from then on, they all tried to wear the ugliest sweater they could find. It was fun._ _

__“I’m still thinking about what to wear,” Sho said after a while. Ohno blinked since he had all but forgotten about their talk before. He drank the last of his wine, feeling comfortable fuzzy and warm._ _

__“YOu’ve been right. A second drink had been silly,” he said as Sho pointed to the second mug while Ohno moved to the other side of the table as Sho had finished as well. “Let’s get some cookies. I need enough to feed you lot on the party,” he said with a hum as he walked over to a stand that sold freshly baked goods. He ordered their favourites and then walked around with Sho a bit more until they said their goodbyes and went home._ _

__—_ _

___My beloved Satoshi,  
Today is Masaki’s birthday. I don’t want you to talk about Christmas today, okay? It’s his big day. I bought the baseball bat he wanted and have hidden it in our wardrobe so please take it with you. Make sure to use the birthday wrapping paper.   
Oh and yes, no chicken tomorrow. I know that Aiba will get Kentucky’s today and I won’t be able to stand it two days in a row. Make a nice dinner. I have marked the recipes in the book above the oven. They are all easy, so don’t worry too much. Tell Jun he should come over earlier. He will help you without arguing. That way, he can make sure the dishes are safe for him to eat.   
Please have fun tomorrow. Sing karaoke and only the silliest Christmas songs, you can find, exchange presents and maybe watch a movie or two if there is time, play a board game as well.  
I love you forever, Kazu. _ _ _

___PS: Please try not to cry too much. I hate seeing you cry. I won’t tell you to fall in love again. I know you will when the time is right._ _ _

___PPS: Merry Christmas_ _ _

__—_ _

__Ohno bit his lips as he knelt in front of Nino’s picture. He tried hard not to give in to his tears, but it was tough to do so right now._ _

__“You are unfair, Kazu. I can’t say goodbye to you anymore, and you do so, so freely. I will smile today. I promise. Jun will come in just a few minutes to prepare the meal that you’ve chosen. The karaoke machine is up and I have some board games out. I don’t know about the movie, though. You were the movie maniac here, not us,” Ohno fought a small smile when he remembered how Nino fought them all to watch a movie that they mostly thought was boring._ _

__“But knowing you, we will end up watching them.”_ _

__The doorbell rang, and Ohno got up with a sigh. He put a hand through his hair as he made sure to lighten the small candle in front of Nino’s picture. He had already placed another one in his name on the windowsill beside the tree yesterday night and the whole day to remember the other. “Merry Christmas Kazu,” he whispered before leaving the corner to open the door and let Jun in. Jun smiled down at him, patting his shoulder before marching over to the kitchen to take over it, just as it had been each year until now. Ohno turned around, and it was as if he could see Nino sitting on the sofa with a bright grin on his lips, the TV controller in his hand to start the first Christmas movie because he just knew that Jun would take over his kitchen nad not allow them in. Ohno smiled as well, as he went over to him, sitting down beside him to enable Nino to curl up beside him and start one of his favourites movies._ _


End file.
